For the past several days, Shawn and I have been sick to our stomachs. We don’t know what’s coming. We don’t know what we will have to endure. We don’t know when relief will come. I began feeling impatient and I knelt to pray. I prayed so hard that his liver would come now. That he wouldn’t have to wait anymore and that we could move on with our lives and stop feeling so scared, anxious and stressed. I then had one of the most powerful teaching moments that I can remember. I had a distinct thought come into my mind. It was so clear and it was nothing I had been praying about or thought about before. It was as if someone was counseling with me.
“You are being selfish. In your impatience wanting a liver now for Beckett, there may be another family who needs time to say good-bye. Time to grieve. Or one more happy day with their child.” My heart felt struck and I started to cry. I have tried really hard to be ok with the Lord’s timing. Most of the time I do fine. I accept that things will happen when they are supposed to. But I never gave much thought to the fact that the Lord’s timing is perfect on ALL sides. Now I’m not saying because I had this thought that he will receive a transplant in the next day or so and there is literally a family grieving right now. But I believe I had this thought for a reason. So I can greater grasp the magnitude of the Lord’s love for all his children. That when a family is grieving their loss, they will have adequate time to do so. He sees all sides of the picture where my view is limited.
We have always prayed for our donor family. But our prayers were so focused on the peace for them after their loss. My prayers have changed. Of course, I want Beckett to receive his second chance at life soon. I want him to be ok. I want him to be safe. I want him to live. But I now see there truly is a much bigger side to this. And I pray the timing will be perfect. That his donor family will have time. Time to enjoy, to love, to say good-bye. I will never be able to thank them adequately enough for the way they will change my family’s lives. The least I can do is be patient and give them the time they need. I now pray for them in a much deeper way than I have before.
5 responses to “The Timing Will Be Perfect”
This is beautiful.
All in God’s time..prayers for baby Beckett and prayers for the future donors family and what they will go through…give them peace in knowing their little one will save a life.
We don’t really know each other, but I’m Rachel’s other cousin, Emily. I just wanted to tell you that I think of you and your cute little guy all the time and can’t imagine the anxiety and love you feel every day for Beckett. Your family is in my prayers and I admire the strength and testimony you show us in your blog, even when I’m sure it would be easier to just be mad and cry all day every day.
You don’t know me but I recently started following your blog and checking Facebook 20 times a day to see if there is an update about sweet little Beckett. I am so moved by your story. My heart is breaking as I consider the pain you all are in, especially hearing of Beckett’s discomfort and seeing pictures of him in pain. I agonize with you as a parent for how difficult this wait is. I am praying for a miracle and to see a smile light up your little cub’s beautiful blue eyes again.
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I just keep thinking of this post since reading it. Thank you for being so willing to share such a special experience. This has changed me, thank you so much!
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